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Doing What I Love To Do

August 17, 2014

I love writing. I love the freedom of expressing whatever random thought might be swirling around in my head. I love the creativity of trying to make something cohesive out of those random thoughts. I love the discipline of editing – reading and rereading each line and phrase, correcting errors and seeking out more eloquent and proper ways to say what I want to say. I love the catharsis of expression and the confinement of trying to be error-free. I love to write, whether or not what I put down is read by anyone at all…. and yet, as some of you who follow this little blog already know, it has been almost a year since I have posted an entry. Now, I have many many reasons (excuses) for why this is. I finished a job, left a home, moved across the world, started a new job, set up a new home, and am still getting acclimated to my new life. I am also doing a lot of other types of writing, such as longer and more frequent sermons than I have ever given before, and so the writing “itch” is certainly being scratched in some respects. I have, on several occasions, tried to write a new blog entry. I have a few that I have started – some are just topics that interest me, for some I have put down a few notes, and some are already a couple of paragraphs long, but none have captivated my attention for long enough to complete. I’m not sure why this is, whether it’s a lack of interest, motivation, dedication, or discipline, or if I’ve simply just focused my attentions elsewhere, like trying to meet new people and experience my new city. Either way, I know that I miss writing.

Some people that I know make writing a purposeful exercise. They make themselves write regularly – monthly, weekly, or even daily. I think that’s absolutely great for them, but just wouldn’t work for me. Any time I’ve tried to “force” myself to do something on some sort of schedule, like a strict gym routine for example, I end up going full force at first, but then getting resentful and just not doing it at all. It’s as if I have this idea in my head that if I am not perfect, if I miss just one day of my intended schedule, then the whole thing is ruined and I should just give up. I don’t want to do that with writing. I don’t want to set myself up to fail, and then never write again. That would just be too great of a loss for me. On the other hand, I know that an annual blog entry isn’t exactly worthwhile either, and there is certainly something to be said for carving out time where I just ‘make’ myself write. It feeds my soul, and so I really “should” just do it. Just like the gym, I might dread it a little before I start, but I always feel great after. Just like the gym as well, what I’m learning is that it has to be OK to say ‘no’ sometimes. I am learning not to feel guilty about skipping a work-out here and there, both because I know that I will just get back on track in a day or two, and because I know that exercising is about long-term health and enjoyment, not about short term results… and so it must be the same with writing, or guitar playing, or reading, or beading (bet you didn’t know about that one!). I have to learn to trust myself, to know that these things that I love to do are still there, whether I do them daily or forget about them for a month or two.

I had started to believe that, since I had let this blog go for so long, it was probably time to just admit defeat and let it go… but here I am. Back “on the horse” as they say. It’s a slow start, but it’s a start none-the-less, and it’s all part of that wonderful process of learning how to care for myself in the best way that I can. Sometimes that self-care involves writing. Sometimes it means accepting that I just haven’t written in a long while. The most important thing is to learn to hear my inner voice, because she knows exactly what I need to be doing at any given moment to bring about happiness and fulfillment, in all of its many forms. I hope that I will be back here, in this space writing again soon. I think that I will be, but it might take longer than I hope. That’s ok, because I know that I will be back, and when I am, it’ll feel great.

Wishing you light and love

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One Comment
  1. Good to have met you – and to read your blog. I’m married to a Canadian, from Montreal. But she’s been here longer than there and anyway was born in Europe. I’ll see if I can post this….I usually give up with Howard, sadly and if this doesn’t go through, I’ll do the same.

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