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A Literal Trip Down Memory Lane

July 21, 2016

OK. I’ll admit it. I’ve been feeling pretty sorry for myself lately. Things were going rather well for a while and I really believed that my life was turning around…but… I’ve sent out at least a dozen job applications and have been granted exactly zero interviews, the dude that I like doesn’t like me (I believe we’ve heard this one before), I have a lingering injury that has prevented me from being as active as I would like (which of course is exacerbating my body anxieties), and I’ve had to cut out some foods from my diet (again) because I was having some unpleasant reactions, so I’m cranky and hungry.   When it rains, it pours…right??

I completely understand that things aren’t that bad. I have a place to live, a great family, awesome friends, and the little work that I do have, I love. I had an amazing experience last week as faculty at Camp George and, for the most part, I’m able to maintain a positive outlook.  For the most part.

Tomorrow, I’m leaving for a few weeks on a bit of a nostalgic tour of the Midwest. I’m going to be visiting people and places that carry with them a lot of memories and emotions for me (more on the trip in future posts), and I’m a little nervous. Excited, yes… But also nervous.  I’m nervous that the emotions and memories that are brought back will only serve to add to my current feelings of uselessness. I’m nervous that I won’t be able to snap out of this funk and have a good time.  I’m nervous that the people I see will be disappointed in me and where I am now in my life.  I’m nervous that this little foray into my past is going to make me question some of the decisions that I’ve made.

I have a feeling though, that I’m placing way too much importance on this trip. It should be a fun, exciting three weeks. Solo roadtrips are a great opportunity for some self-reflection and self-discovery, but they’re also an opportunity to just  let loose, rock out to some music on the radio, and take my mind off of what’s bothering me right now. That’s what I’m going to try to do. I know that I’m not very good at ignoring  what’s going on in my head, but I hope that the few days of driving and the many days of seeing people that I love and miss will be just the boost that I need.  And heck, I get to spend two weeks at the summer camp where I truly discovered who I am, and give back to them by volunteering my time. What could possibly be bad about that?

So yeah, I’m a little down. I’m a little trepidatious. But what’s the expression? Fear is just a sign of great things about to come?   Let’s go with that…I can work with that.

Wishing you light and love…and adventures





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One Comment
  1. Abby permalink

    Sorry you’re down. What a bummer about the lack of interviews! When I was out of work, I got very depressed. It’s very hard to not be able to earn a living– it’s been drilled into us that that’s what adults do. At least, it was for me.
    No good advice but thank you for being real and sharing your life.

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